Wednesday, June 18, 2008 7:30 AM
I am EFFING stress! The thought of MSTs are haunting me and I am going crazy in minutes!!
Ok. I know. Its just MSTs... But to me, its something I really want to score and prove to that idiot out there who thinks that Poly is no good. The more you tell me I can't. the more I shall PROVE it to you! No matter what it costs me.
I just don't it?! Why do some people just have THE brains??!! As in they just need to flip through the notes at the last minute and get at least a B??!! WTH! Me? I put in so much effort to just scrape through?! Life is unfair. Really Unfair.
People say: "Flora, work SMART, not HARD..." Yes. I know, but tell me what do you mean by SMART??!! Smart?! how? "Consistency" they said. I can't! I tried... "Understand, don't just bilndly memorise." Easier said than dne.
This feeling sucks to the core. I have not felt it since the O level mugging days. I just want to get back and squeeze a place in the Honours roll. Can I? I often question myself. 'Is that very important?" I asked again
I logged in my MSN, hoping to find someone to confide to. But most were all offline. I double clicked to initiate a conversation but hesitated to type something. Subsequently, I just clicked the 'X' box and left.
I feel lonely at times, sitting on my black torned chair, staring blanking into space, confused yet afraid. I wipe the tears off my eyes and encouraged myself. I thought by turning all the unhappiness to drawing and watching some TVB dramas, it would work but sadly no, that fear just keeps haunting me. I can't stop it!
I give advice to others, telling them how to de-stress, but here I am procastinating. Hmph...
Just like this afternoon, I was reading through Conb notes, hoping a chunk of infomation would store somewhere in my brain. Testing myself time and time again just made me feel depressed. I felt stupid. I felt like a failure. After learning for hours and nothing could register. Why??!!! I went to 'cook' a few dishes on my DS, but after a few minutes, I felt really guilty not studying. I put the notes back onto my table. Feeling disgusted.
I want to score! I want to do well. Call me a nerd. Call me kiasu. What do you expect when you already know you have a freaking bias lecturer who gave you a underserved 'C' for CA1??!!!! It just boils me whenever I know that I have to read his bloody notes. Full of drawings and curses in them.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!! I don't know whats gonna happen to me when exam comes in the near future when these are only tests... Well... I survived through 18 years.. Whats a few years more.. Right?
"I can do it!"
Labels: I HATE TESTS
~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~
