Allow me

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:11 AM

I had the chance and I blew it.

I had the perfect opportunity and I chose not to.

I was almost there. 1 more step and all my doubts will be cleared. But I hesitated.

Something was holding me back. Conscience. That was it. The indescribable feeling that stopped me from continuing the last step. I hated that feeling.

It was controlling my thoughts, my mind and my actions. But it failed to control my heart.

The day where I was put to the test. Ethics VS Answers. I chose the former.

Though I knew that there won't be a 2nd time and I will have to find my own answers to my doubts through a different method. I just couldn't finish the last step.

I am angry yet proud.

Terror, fear and anger will soon engulf me but I deserve it. I chose this path. I am ready for it.

~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~

Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:48 AM

It's weird that I had this sudden rush to see my TVB idols again. Haha!

Sis informed me about the evening TVB meet and greet session at Bugis Junction in the afternoon. Though the people I called weren't able to accompany me, I still went ahead with it, with a mindset of collecting their autographs. And its Charmaine Sheh!

First thing first. OMG! The worst crowd management I've ever been. Not well planned, lousy barricade set ups and of course, UGLY SINGAPOREANS!

I had to squeeze so badly, worst than a bloody sardine in a tin can. Gosh. People were literally stepping on my foot. I was afraid there would be a stampede or something. AND BLOODY UGLY SINGAPOREANS! Makes me BOILLLL.

U see, I was there alone, listening to my ipod as I waited patiently to get up close with my long awaited idols and I am with weird and uncouth people around me. This teenager with her mom was so... Barbaric! I can't think of any words to describe their behaviour. -.-/ It just makes me see how nasty and ugly people can get.

Back to it. YAY! They FINALLY arrived. Charmaine Sheh, Sonija Kwok and Moses Chan came to Singapore to promote their upcoming shows. *Can't wait. Sang songs and played games with fans. 1 was one of the 3000+ fans waiting under the heat. Siao. Totally not worth it.

Ai ya. Lazy to type. See the pics I took. :D They aren't in order. I'm lazy to go organise them.

Sonija Kwok singing! Shes pretty.

One of the best CU I could get from Moses Chan. He really do know how to interact with the crowd. Good PR skills. Hehe

Smile so sweet. Shes farni lah!

Their first stop. So typical.

Signing against the board. (I wonder how much does it cost to blow out this pic to this size sia)

Haha! Charmaine Sheh so cute! They were playing some kind of colour treasure hunt. She took one of the fan's camera and took a picture of herself. AHHH. *envious* Should see the video. So farni.

This was the first photo I took that day. Charmaine!

Check out here website to...
1) See what Charmaine did to make the crowd LOL! So farni and cute!
2) Spot me. But I doubt it.

I'm glad that I've added 3 new photos into my TVB autographed celebs photos. Now, theres 9 diff autographed photos and 15 ones. YAY!
BUT IT WAS NOT WORTH IT! I think my fangalism for TVB has died down. I just want their autograph. I don't even scream for them like before. But oh well. Left straight away and don't want to go for the next session the following day. MADNESS.

~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~

Saturday, July 11, 2009 9:05 AM

I never want to step into that place again. I really don't want to. It's scary, solemn and sad.

I've never been that upset for a friend in my life. It's been a long time since I cried like a helpless baby. Constantly sniffing away. I reused and reused my soaked tissue paper to wipe the tears of my swollen eyes. I didn't care. Neither did the people there did.

It was hard. The last goodbye was really hard. It was then when I couldn't control holding back my tears anymore. IT just flowed and flowed and flowed. As I walk down, following the queue. I saw his coffin appearing, inch by inch. I walked forward to see his face for the last time. He was lying there with his eyes closed. He looked just like before, just more handsome. He was beautifully made. It was the first time I looked at every inch of his face. From his forehead to his eyes to his lips. I just stared and cried uncontrollably. "Goodbye Edwin. Flora will miss you." And I walked away.

It was the hardest goodbye. I went to hug Wendy there after. She hugged me so tight, so deep, that made me cried out loud. It was a passionate and sincere hug. We just both cried in each others' arms. Nobody needed to say a word. We just needed support from one another.

It was a life changing moment. I just wanted to thank the people around me for all the support and love. You won't understand how I felt till you've experienced it personally. I thought I was strong enough, but was in fact one of the first to fall.

Dying is easy, having your love ones to live with the fact is difficult. Committing suicide is the most irresponsible thing a person can do. Life, if you don't take control of it, it will.

~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~

Friday, July 10, 2009 7:42 AM

I've just lost a dear friend. Something which came to me unexpectedly. Received 3 missed calls and 1 message. Christine said that Edwin passed away yesterday. He fainted in his home toilet and could not be revived since then. I heard that there might be a cause of heart failure. A stunning young man who was like a brother to me left this earth. Peacefully.

I didn't know how to react. This feeling is weird, indescribable. A little shocked I would say. I thought I will be ok, till a few hours ago. Listening to my ipod on the way back home, I couldn't help but to think of Ed, the laughter and wisdom he brought to me. I teared. I really couldn't control it. I am really sad.

I guess this is the first time I really cried for a friend. The first time where I really experienced sadness. Throughout the day, I teared a little now and then. On my way out of school, walking past the National Lib, ordering stuffs and in the bus. But when I reached home, I couldn't stop. Tears just kept flowing and flowing. As I am typing this, my hands are shaking and tears are flowing.

On my way to school this morning, I saw this casket van driving past. I was speechless. 'Was that for Ed?' 'Can he fit into that?' Then I sank into emo mode.

Life is so unpredictable. 25 year old. It shouldn't be him. He deserves more than just 25 years of life. One can just go like that. So sudden, so abrupt and devastating. Questions pop up: What happens if I die tomorrow? Why do the good people leave?

Live everyday as if its your last. I won't regret the times spent with him. I just wanna say thank you to this wonderful buddy.

To Ed: Thank you. You were like a buddy, an elder brother to me. You gave me ideas for my project, helped me when I needed help and parted your wisdom to me. Taking the same train home with you after TC sessions were one of the best times we had. You wanted to pass me the two complimentary tix, thanks. I remembered you said that you want that inner star in you to come out on stage. Ed, in our hearts, you'llalways be that star that shines brightly on stage. The one that glows and bring light to the rest. RIP Edwin. I'll miss you.

Edwin Lim
1984 - 2009

Bye you tall one! Remember my wave that I thought you k? :D

~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~

Wednesday, July 1, 2009 3:53 AM

Haha. Yeah. Finally one not-so-emo post.

No. Projects are not done yet and worst still. I am sick! HAHAA. I had a bloody sudden fever on Sun. So mon and tues MC. (Stupid doc, stand so far away from me, hi aunty, u wearin mask arldy, can face me while talking to me?) I think she thinks I have H1N1 or smth. HAHA.

Great. Today is Wed. FIANLLY going back to school. Cabbed there not because I am late. It's because I had fainting spells in the mrning. Mummy says cuz I'm weak. Gotta take more iron. Ok. Fine, Fine. All ok. THEN CAME AFTERNOON... -.- Walked in the Cass office, shit. My hands and legs ALL OF A SUDDEN started to feel numb. And it slowly spreads. Haha. the normal me won't feel like that at all lah. Sam said "go home lah lorla! Later u get shocked! (I was laughing at her) REALLY! Serious! You better go home lah!"
HAHAHA! Not long, I looked at my palms. WUAHAHAH! It was white! So pale that I can hardly see bloody flowing. LOL. I was laughing yet a little afraid. I don't wanna faint like the other time lah! Embarassing. Anyway. I was STRONGLY STRONGLY advised to go home. So I did. And because of this. I couldn't go for spec dip filming today. Sigh. Was looking forward to the split screen shoots. :( Took a cab home and tadah! $40++ spent on cab fare today. Great. I am broke now!

Yah. I am ok. :D TY.
Oh. Projects not done. damn.

Woo. I love ppl who update their blogs regularly. Cuz I don't

~The occurrence of strong harmonic Beats~